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I just started to learn Chinese a few years ago but I find essay-writing especially difficult. For example, the following essay took me about 45 minutes to an hour and I was told that it had poor word choice at times. If anyone can, I would be greatly appreciative if you toke a quick read and give me a few comments to help improve my writing.

(This is in response to an [informal] question: What do you think of the term "Jia You," do you support this saying / view?)

把 “加油“ 地道的翻译成英文是个困难的事。翻译的定义常常会把本来的定义解的不利。加油可以代表多种的意思从鼓励到欢呼何况同情和团结-翻译的时候就会往往把这多数含义缺漏掉的。用英文来表示就会给这个词一个单纯没劲的意义,普通翻译成 "Let's go!" 或者 "You can do it!" 或者 “Come on!"。这些句子说出来不含加油的内涵意义 - 就是鼓励斗志能力。其实用 "Fighting!"来表示可能是更镇却的翻译,可是在英文里 "Fighting!" 通常含义个打仗和暴力的现象不是决心或者意志力的表示。

这种观念我挺支持的因为是个正面情绪向上的口语。我自己听到的时候会受到一古港动力让我加强的努力,要没有的话起码让我思考一下我做中的目的因为说给我听的人肯定有她的意向。一个缺点是过用-把加油整天放在舌尖上(就是天天都说,张口就说)。过用会把给说的人的期望射得特别高(做不到的请款就带来羞辱的感觉)或这老是抱着一个不满足的心态(社么东西都能加油,不够好)。

这种心理状况在美国对于华人配演小孩的方法是个挺红的辩论题。反正有两组人-一种觉得父母实景推动小孩的前途是很重要的,在一种觉得小孩能自己发现他么的前途,不要干涉,未来小孩高兴为主(这不是说第一组家长就不想要他们小孩高兴,就是会用不痒的眼光看来高兴这个词)。可能在美国多数人的想法都在第二组里。

我有可能把这个题目想的太宽了,也不太用加油这个词,所以我不知道是不是所说的话是正确的。

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closed as too broad by deutschZuid, songyuanyao, Stan, neubau, congusbongus May 19 at 4:05

There are either too many possible answers, or good answers would be too long for this format. Please add details to narrow the answer set or to isolate an issue that can be answered in a few paragraphs.If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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Kevin, unfortunately this site is not a essay-correcting service. I suggest you pick parts that you don't understand and ask separate questions. As it stands now, it's a poor question that has no use whatsoever to future visitors. –  deutschZuid May 19 at 0:15
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I was advised that this website - www.lang-8.com allows peers to review each other's work. Try that. –  deutschZuid May 19 at 1:59
    
This question appears to be off-topic because it is requesting bulk corrections. –  neubau May 19 at 2:53

2 Answers 2

I'm a Chinese from hong kong so my choice of wording may be a bit different from the mainland Chinese (the word choice sometimes differs, like American English and British English). My Chinese writing is not that good (the spoken language in hk is very different from written chinese)...so just take it as a reference!

把 “加油“ 地道using 地道 seems a bit weird to me but i have no idea what to use

的翻译成英文是个困难的事。

翻译的 定义 常常 会把本来的定义 解的不利 - "定义" doesn't make much sense. What do you intended to mean by this word?

You can use 往往 instead of 常常("常常" isn't incorrect but its seems to be more appropriate),

and 曲解 to replace 解的不利; "解的不利" doesn't make any sense in Chinese

加油可以代表多种的意思 add a "," here

从鼓励到欢呼add a "," here

何况 - using "何况" doesn't make sense here; it means "furthermore" but only in negative meaning.

In this sentence the adj you use like 鼓励到欢呼 同情和团结 all have a positive meaning so it'd better to use other conjunction word like “再到”

同情和团结add a "," here

翻译的时候 就会往往 把这 多数 含义 缺漏 掉的。Better change 就会往往 to "往往会". the meaning is right but the order is weird.

多数(means many) should change to "多重"(multiple layers).

缺漏 seems weird to me...but I am not sure what to use here.

用英文来表示就会给这个词一个 单纯没劲意义 单纯没劲 doesnt make sense - use 单薄 is better.

意义 mean "spiritual meaning" in chinese, so you should use "意思" which means "literal meaning"

普通 翻译成 "Let's go!" 或者 "You can do it!" 或者 “Come on!"。the meaning is right, but you can use 一般, which sounds more appropriate to me

这些句子说出来不含加油的 内涵意义 use 神髓 instead!

  • 就是 鼓励斗志能力i cant think of a better word...but your word choice doesn't quite make sense

其实用 "Fighting!"来表示可能是 更镇却 的翻译,i don't know what does 镇却 means.... i would use 传神 here; btw you can use "较为" instead of "更", so that you can have a "4-word word"

可是在英文里 "Fighting!" 通常 含义个打仗和暴力的现象 不是 决心或者意志力的表示。change 打仗(verb) to 战争(noun) because "暴力" is also a noun, to keep the two sides of the word "和"(and) balanced;

then change the word order&usage from "含义个 战争和暴力的 现象" to "含有 战争和暴力的意思";

for "不是"(means "no"), change it to "而非"(means "but not")

这种观念 我挺支持的 add a "," here.

Also you should state what does 这种观念 means. If you're using 观念 to mean "the act of using the word Jiayou" than it's a wrong word choice here.

因为是个 正面情绪向上口语正面情绪向上->正面向上, 口语->用语


我自己听到的时候会 受到 一古港动力 让我加强的努力 OK. first change 受到 to 感受到 because "受到" means "being ..." but you dont have a verb to fill the "..." , so you should add the word "感"(feel)。 “感受” together means "feel".

一古港动力 -> doesnt make sense, i guess you means "一股动力"

一股动力 and 让我加强的努力 actually have the same meaning, so it's duplicated here. but thw word 一股动力 is like...more native. so you should just delete "让我加强的努力". So 受到一古港动力让我加强的努力 -> 感受到一股动力

要没有的话 i guess you means "if not" in english. but this word choice is improper. Use "即使没有" instead which means "if not"

起码 让我思考一下in English "at least would make me think about". in Chinese you may use 至少 (but 起码 is ok too);

让我思考一下 here you should emphasis '思考'(think). A good way to emphasis it is put the word at the end of the sentence. change it to -> 会激发我的思考 (会 would 激发inspire 我的 my 思考thoughts )

我做 的目的 do u mean 我做人的目的?Also add a "," here

因为 说给我听的人 肯定有她的意向 说给我听的人->给我加油的人

"肯定有她的意向" this is too vague. you should specific what does 意向 means...so change it to "肯定是支持我的" or "肯定是想鼓励我的"

一个缺点是 过用 -把加油整天放在舌尖上(就是天天都说,张口就说)过用 is a bit weird... maybe use 过度使用(excessive usage) instead?

过用(->过度使用)会把 给说的 人的期望 得特别高 "delete "给说的", you dont have to use these words here.

In Chinese, 射 means aiming at a PHYSICAL target. Here you want to mean "aim at high expectation" and you cant translate this literally to chinese. Use 过度使用会把人的期望 **提**(lift) 得特别高 instead, which literally means excessive use would lift up people's expectations "

(做不到的 请款带来羞辱的感觉请款->情况;带来羞辱的感觉->会让人觉得 蒙羞/被羞辱

老是抱着一个不满足的心态 ->者

(社么东西都能加油,不够好)。-> 永远(always)都要(have to)继续(continue)加油,永远(always)不(not)够(enough)好(good) (->never good enough)

这种 心理状况 在美国对于华人配演小孩的方法是个挺红的辩论题 It's weird to use 心理状况 here..

反正 有两组人-一种觉得父母实景推动小孩的前途是很重要的 delete 反正

一种觉得小孩能自己 发现 他么 的前途 在 doesnt make sense here. use "另"。 发现 isnt a proper word choice here, use 掌控(control) instead. 他么- is it a typo? do u means 他们?

未来小孩高兴为主(这不是说第一组家长就不想要他们小孩高兴,就是会用 不痒 的眼光看来高兴这个词)dont understand what do you want to mean by 不痒, but this is a wrong word choice. we dont have a vocab 不痒 in chinese.

可能在 美国多数人的想法都在第二组里。-> 美国 **大** 多数人的想法都 **应该** 在第二组里

可能把这个题目想的太 delete 有。 hmm i am not sure if 宽 is ok here... you can also use 远

也不太用加油这个词,所以我不知道 是不是所说的话 是正确的 word order - 所说的话是不是

That's it! Actually I think the question is a bit confusing. We don't say the term Jiayou as a 观念,it's just a word.... you wont say its a view.

It's like you won't have a question in English asking "What do you think about the word awesome, do you support this saying/view?"

The question should explain itself more.

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It is so hard to edit this,because I do not know what you mean in some sentences.

把 “加油“ 地道地翻译成英文是个困难的事。翻译的定义常常会把本来的意思解释错误。加油可以代表多种的意思,从鼓励到欢呼,甚至同情和团结-翻译的时候就会往往把这多数含义缺漏掉的。用英文来表示就会给这个词一个单纯没劲的意义,普通翻译成 "Let's go!" 或者 "You can do it!" 或者 “Come on!"。这些句子说出来不含加油的内涵意义 - 就是鼓励斗志能力。其实用 "Fighting!"来表示可能是更正确的翻译,可是在英文里 "Fighting!" 通常描述打仗和暴力的现象,而不是决心或者意志力的表示。

这种观念我挺支持的,因为它是个正面情绪向上的口语。我自己听到的时候会受到一股动力,让我加倍地努力,要没有的话起码让我思考一下我做事的目的,因为说给我听的人肯定有他的意向。一个缺点是滥用-把加油整天放在嘴边上(就是天天都说,张口就说)。滥用会把给说的人的期望射得特别高(做不到的情况就带来羞辱的感觉)或者老是抱着一个不满足的心态(什么东西都能加油,不够好)。

这种心理状况在美国对于华人培养小孩的方法是个挺红的辩论题。反正有两组人-一种觉得父母使劲推动小孩的前途是很重要的,在一种觉得小孩能自己发现他们的前途,不要干涉,未来小孩高兴为主(这不是说第一组家长就不想要他们小孩高兴,就是会用不一样的眼光看来高兴这个词)。可能在美国多数人的想法都在第二组里。

我有可能把这个题目想的太宽了,也不太用加油这个词,所以我不知道所说的话是不是正确的。

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