Is this funny way of saying things some dialect?

Question

本身明明长患上丑还说[...]那鸣一个惨呀!

长患 should be 长相 and 鸣 should be 叫, but they appear too many times that the possibility of them being typos is close to nil.

[...]以是在贬低他人的时辰就出格不留人情，以是咱们见到这类人时可以绝不夷由地上往打。

Again, normally we would say 于是 instead of 以是, 时候 instead of 时辰, 毫不犹豫 instead of 绝不夷由, and I think 格外 instead of 出格. I don't even understand what's 上往打: is 上往 上前?

但是不管曩昔几多年

I know Cantonese makes extensive use of 几多, but other sentences don't look like they're Cantonese. And isn't 曩昔 archaic? The reason I find this article so funny and interesting is that it is so colloquial, yet at the same time so archaic or formal.

最厌恶掉臂及男子体面的女人

What? 掉臂? As in 自在?

眼望着本身岁数一点点年夜了

Can you really use 年夜 as a verb like that?

碰着如许的人

This sounds rather formal and archaic.

Of course I am not endorsing these statements or anything, just saw them somewhere on the internet and find them amusing. Are these sentences written in some dialects/topolects or an unusual form of standard Chinese? Or are they internet slang?

Answer 1

我在网上找了一下，你提到的这篇文章标题是《死都没人爱的9种女人》，事实上它有“正常中文”版本的原文：

其实还可以搜索到一篇内容十分类似的文章《十种汉子该暴挨，你属于那一种？》，前者应该只是把后者内容当中的“男人”替换成了“女人”。而后者2006年左右就出现在网络上了，这种类型的文章作为段子实在是很过时。现在的大多数网民应该都不会觉得这篇文章有趣。

至于你提到的这种“奇怪的中文”的版本，确实网上可以搜索到：

这应当是通过某种类似于在线翻译的方式由电脑自动转换的，在网上还可以搜索到一些类似风格的文章。我不清楚这些网站在转载时进行这种转换的原因。不过显然这并不是为了有趣，也不是标准汉语的特殊形式，也不是所谓网络语言。应该说，就是网络上的一种信息垃圾。不用去深究，也不要把它作为学习中文的参考。

Answer 2

长患 (cháng huàn) means having an unfortunate fate since a long time, here the particular fate of being ugly.

The rest of your concerns are rather standard wordings, although not the most common ones. A word like 时光 would indicate topolect (Wu), but only with different pronouns (阿拉 instead of 咱们). It could of course be a minor Mandarin dialect, or just internet slang.

上往打 is a bit peculiar, though.