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Change this sentence into a more grammatically correct version?

青少年自殺越來越嚴重這問題完全失控。

  • insert comma between 嚴重 (严重) and 这问题,(这个问题 also possible) – user6065 Jul 28 '16 at 9:29
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    I am voting to close as this is essentially a proofreading request as the OP has not indicated what they believe to be potential issues with their text, and we are not a proofreading service. – user5714 Jul 28 '16 at 13:57
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青少年自殺的情況﹐越來越嚴重﹐甚至有點失控。

We can't say that a problem (問題) is out of control.

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    problems can be under control or be controlled, cf. jukuu: The50- year-old has previously admitted to a drinking problem, but was said to have brought the problem under control. He described this latest incident as a" horrific relapse". 五十岁的梅尔吉勃逊之前已承认有喝酒的问题,但据说问题已在控制之中。他以「怕的故态复萌」形容这次事件。 With that understanding, they believe, it may be possible to develop drugs that do the job balky genes fail to do - controlling a problem that decades of fad diets and self-help books have never solved. 一旦有了这些知识,科学家相信有可能发展出一种药物能完成不听话的基因无法胜任的工作,从而解决几十年来时尚食谱和自我养护一类书所不能解决的体重控制问题。 – user6065 Jul 28 '16 at 12:14
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[1/青少年] [2/自殺] [3/越來越] [4/嚴重] [5/這問題] [6/完全] [7/失控]。

[1/Young people] [2/commit suicide] [3/became more and more] [4/serious] [5/this problem] [6/completely] [7/out of control]。

The phrase "自殺越來越嚴重" (commit suicide become more and more serious) itself is awkward, because commit suicide is a verb phrase; 嚴重 is an adjective. Adjective cannot modify verb.

The correct phrasing is:

[1/青少年][2/自殺][3/這問題][4/越來越][5/嚴重],[6/已經][7/完全失控]。

[1/Young people][2/commit suicide][3/this problem of][4/become more and more ][5/serious],[6/already][7/out of control]。

notice:

[1/Young people] [2/commit suicide] [3/this problem of]

"** problem**" is the head noun, "young people suicide" is the relative clause. In English grammar, the head noun is placed in front of the relative clause like so: "This problem of young people commit suicide" but in Chinese grammar, the head noun is placed after the relative clause like so: "青少年自殺這問題"

已經 (already)ties " this problem of young people commit suicide" to the follow up statement " completely out of control" together.

if you don't add 已經. the sentence will be split in two.

青少年自殺這問題越來越嚴重. (這問題)完全失控。

-subject (這問題), is omitted, because it is stated in the previous related sentence.

A final grammatically correct edition would be:

"青少年自殺這問題越來越嚴重, 已經完全失控。

" This problem of young people commit suicide became more and more serious, already out of control."

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“青少年自杀越来越严重 问题完全失控” ==> “青少年自杀越来越严重 问题完全失控”。

use “的” to describe issue (问题) using the sentence “青少年自杀越来越严重”.

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