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link - http://imgur.com/a/zRhF9

I have written a short story in pinyin for a special person. As for grammar/vocab, feel free to suggest corrections. More importantly, what was your interpretation of the story? The recipient knows I am a beginner in Chinese but I want to get my feelings across through this piece.

1

I tried my best to convert the pinyin to characters and also added my translation in ()s and my comments (吐槽) in []s. Note that some of these comments are for fun only and should not be taken seriously. The XXX is where I can't read your handwriting:

两个饺子 (two dumplings)

一个漂亮的女士坐在贵的饭馆。她点两个饺子。(a beautiful woman is at an expensive restaurant. She orders two dumplings.) [A better way to say this: 一位漂亮的女士坐在一个很贵的饭馆里。她点了两个饺子 yī wèi piāo liàng de nǚ shì zuò zài yī gè hěn guì de fàn guǎn lǐ 。tā diǎn le liǎng gè jiǎo zǐ][For a beautiful woman, use the counter word wèi] [Ordering just 2 dumplings at an expensive restaurant is kind of weird...]

晚上八点十分 (8:10 p.m.)

服务员说“对不起,我们只有一个饺子” (The waiter says, "sorry, we only have one dumpling") [You should add a colon before the quote] [How does a restaurant have only one dumpling? Why?]

女士吃半的饺子,她说“这是冷的和不好吃的饺子,我要XXX饺子” (The woman eats half of the dumpling. She says, "this is a cold and disgusting dumpling. I want a XXX dumpling") [You got the grammar of this sentence quite wrong, but it's still understandable. A better version: 女士吃了半个饺子,她说:“这饺子又冷又不好吃 nǚ shì chī le bàn gè jiǎo zǐ ,tā shuō :“zhè jiǎo zǐ yòu lěng yòu bú hǎo chī] [How can disgusting and cold dumplings be served at an expensive restaurant?]

八点十六分 (8:16 p.m.)

服务员说“请等一会儿,第二个饺子来自天堂” (The waiter says, "Please wait a minute, the second dumping is from Heaven") [This sentence's grammar feels natural, but... The waiter just said there is only one! And why is the second dumpling from Heaven? Is that even possible?]

八点十七分 (8:17 p.m.)

女士吃半的第二个饺子。(The woman eats half of the second dumpling) [As it is now, this sentence is ungrammatical but understandable. I can't think of a better alternative without using complicated grammar: 第二个饺子女士也只吃了一半 dì èr gè jiǎo zǐ nǚ shì yě zhī chī le yī bàn]

她说“这是太嫩和太甜” (She says, "This is too tender and too sweet") [A better version: 这个太嫩太甜了 zhè gè tài nèn tài tián le] [How can a dumpling be too tender and too sweet? Is that even a dumpling anymore?]

她结合两半和说“可是一起这是完美的饺子” (She combines the two halves and says, "But together, this is the perfect dumpling") [A better version: 她结合了两半,然后说,“可是在一起,就是完美的饺子” tā jié hé le liǎng bàn ,rán hòu shuō ,“kě shì zài yī qǐ ,jiù shì wán měi de jiǎo zǐ ”] [I don't think a cold, disgusting, too tender and too sweet dumpling is perfect...]

  • Many thanks for your comments. The abstract/vague nature of this story is by intention. Almost all of it 'the beautiful woman', 'the dumplings' etc. are merely metaphors and I did not mean for them to be interpreted literally. Perhaps Chinese is a more 'to the point' language with less room for 'metaphors'? The XXX is dì èr gè (for second dumpling). P.S. You said "How can a dumpling be too tender and too sweet? Is that even a dumpling anymore?" You're correct. It is in fact not a dumpling but a girl, also the recipient of this story :) – user230821 Apr 18 '17 at 22:35
  • @user230821 There certainly are metaphors in Chinese. But I think you overused it in this story... It's almost cryptic (to me at least)... If you think my answer helped you, please consider accepting it by clicking on that checkmark! – Sweeper Apr 19 '17 at 13:31
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Two Thoughts:

  1. Although you are a beginner in Chinese, please write in Chinese characters instead of pinyin. Pinyin system is not designed for writing but providing pronunciation.

  2. I can't tell your feeling from your article, but a story about 饺子.

  • Pinyin system is not designed for writing but providing pronunciation. Sometimes one pronunciation can fit several different characters and cause the meaning of a sentence change completely. – Tang Ho Apr 17 '17 at 18:26
  • @TangHo you misunderstand my logic. pinyin is providing a standard way to say the character(pronunciation), but 1 pronunciation is never bound with 1 character. This is not 1-to-1 relationship. – Kevman Apr 17 '17 at 18:32
  • I meant, for example: 證 and 正 have the same pronunciation; 仁 and 人 also have the same pronunciation. Just by looking at the Pinyin, people can't tell which is which. – Tang Ho Apr 17 '17 at 19:15
  • That's why I ask him to write in Chinese characters instead of Pinyin. It's not readable but since he is beginner, it's understandable. – Kevman Apr 17 '17 at 19:17

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