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If you are fluent in Chinese and also familiar with technology writing this challenge is for you!

Below is a short text sample in English and 4 different translation samples of that source. Have a look at them and share what you think. Which is best, and why? What is your critique of each? What grade would you assign to each one if you were a teacher evaluating a student assignment?

Here is the source, in English:

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CLOUD SOLUTIONS

Whether you are looking to leverage the cloud to enhance business functionality or to protect your information, IBM has you covered. We offer a wide range of solutions varying from optimizing your cloud spend to migrating your applications to a secure public cloud architecture designed just for you. Our cloud solutions are designed to save you money, make you more secure, improve your application performance, and make cloud adoption easier.

Want to get more out of your Amazon Web Services spend? IBM can help. Gain visibility across your AWS accounts to help allocate and forecast costs, manage Reserved Instances, proactively identify savings opportunities, and more. With Intelligent Cloud Plus, we provide consolidated billing services, custom billing reports, and powerful tools to ensure you are optimizing your cloud spend. Our cloud management tool unifies cost and security in a consolidated view of all your AWS accounts. IBM's solution is easy to use, provides the perfect complement to native AWS services, and enables you to better manage your cost while meeting your performance objectives.

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Here is TRANSLATION A (Chinese - Simplified):

云解决方案

无论您希望利用云来增强企业功能或者保护您的信息,IBM 都能满足您的需求。 IBM提供了一系列完善的云解决方案:从优化您的云支出,到将您的程序移至为您量身打造的云架构,我们都可以替您完成。我们的云解决方案始终致力于为客户提供安全的服务,合理降低花销,为客户的产品提供助力,并让云化变得更简单。

想要提高您的亚马逊网络服务(Amazon Web Services)的投资回报? IBM 可以助您一臂之力。 让您看到各个 AWS 账户从而帮助您分配和预测成本、管理预留实例、主动发现节约成本的机会,还有更多其他功能。通过智能云+,我们提供合并账单服务、定制账单报告和其他高效工具,以确保您不断优化您在云服务上的花费。另外,我们结合了成本与安全的云管理工具让您可以更便捷地查看您所有的 AWS 账户。IBM 的解决方案不仅简单易用,还将使原有的 AWS 服务更为完善,让您在完成绩效目标的同时能更好地管理您的成本。

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Here is TRANSLATION B (Chinese - Simplified):

云解决方案

无论您是想利用云方案提高您的业务功能,亦或是保护您的信息,IBM均可以帮助您实现这一愿望。 我们提供广泛的解决方案,既优化云投入,也确保那些转移到为您定制的公共云结构中的应用程序的安全。我们的云方案旨在节省您的资金,保障您的安全,提高应用程序性能,使得云应用更加便捷。

希望从 “亚马逊网络服务系统”的投入中获得更多回报吗? IBM 可以助您一臂之力。 亚马逊网路服务系统(AWS)账户的可视化应用可以帮助您分配并预测成本、管理包年收费、 主动识别储蓄机会,更多功能不多赘述。 借助智能云+, 我们提供综合的结算服务、自定义结算报告和强大的工具,确保您能够优化云方案。 我们的云管理工具对您所有的亚马逊网路服务系统(AWS)账户从全局上进行统一成本核算和安全管理。 IBM的解决方案易于使用,为当地的亚马逊网路服务系统(AWS)服务提供完美的补充,使您能够更好地管理成本,实现性能目标。

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Here is TRANSLATION C (Chinese - Simplified):

云解决方案

无论您是希望利用云技术增强业务功能,还是保护信息,IBM 都能让您如愿以偿。 我们的解决方案种类繁多,从优化云平台的费用支出,到将应用迁移至为您量身打造的安全公共云平台架构,可谓一应俱全。我们的云解决方案旨在为您节省资金、让您更加安全无虞、完善应用性能,以及让您轻松完成云计算的采纳。

想要您在 Amazon Web Services (亚马逊网络服务系统) 方面的支出更物有所值吗? IBM 将助您一臂之力。 我们可大幅提升 AWS 账户的可视化, 这对于分配和预测成本、 管理预留实例及主动发现成本节约的契机等大有助益。我们通过采用 Intelligent Cloud Plus 提供综合计费服务、定制化的账单报告及各种强大的工具,以确保您实现云平台费用支出的优化。我们的云管理工具可将所有 AWS 账户中的成本与安全项目进行统一汇总,您在一个综合视图中即可查看所有项目。IBM 的解决方案操作简便,是对原有 AWS 服务的完美补充,可让您更有效地管理成本,同时满足所设定的性能目标。

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Here is TRANSLATION D (Chinese - Simplified):

云端解决方案

无论您是希望利用云端来增强业务功能,还是想要保护您的信息,IBM 均可随时为您效劳。我们提供了大量解决方案,全面涵盖从优化您的云端投资到将您的应用程序迁移到为您量身打造的安全的公共云端架构等应用场景。我们的云端解决方案旨在帮助您节约投资,为您提供更强大的安全保护,提升您应用程序的性能,并简化云端的部署实施过程。

想要更加充分地利用您的 Amazon Web Services 投资吗?IBM 可助您一臂之力。通过全面掌控您的 AWS 帐户的使用情况,可帮助您分配和预测使用成本,管理 Reserved Instances(预留实例),前瞻性地识别成本节约机会,并为您提供更多实用功能。利用 Intelligent Cloud Plus,我们可为您提供统一的账单结算服务、自定义账单报告和强大工具,确保优化您的云投资。我们的云管理工具利用一个统一视图来管理您的所有 AWS 帐户的费用和安全性。IBM 解决方案简单易操作,可为原生 AWS 服务提供完美的补充功能,使您能够在满足性能目标的同时,更有效地管理您的使用成本。

  • All three failed by translating 'cloud' to '云' instead of '云端' – Tang Ho Aug 29 '17 at 17:47
  • 'The cloud' in the body of the text should be translated as 云端服务器 or 云端伺服系统 – Tang Ho Aug 29 '17 at 17:55
  • 'Cloud' was indeed formally translated as '云端' instead of '云', but since 'cloud' technology is already well-recognized in China, people now prefer using ‘云’ instead of '云端' to keep the terms short. If you go to Alibaba Cloud's website, you can see they have been using '云' way more often than using the term '云端'. Thus, 'Cloud server' is properly translated as '云服务器', instead of '云端服务器'. – Rob Aug 30 '17 at 0:24
1

I vote for Translation A.

I have some comments on the last sentence in the first paragraph

"Our cloud solutions are designed to save you money, make you more secure, improve your application performance, and make cloud adoption easier."

'A' translated it to "我们的云解决方案始终致力于为客户提供安全的服务,合理降低花销,为客户的产品提供助力,并让云化变得更简单。"

"make you more secure", better to add 更 in ...为客户提供 安全的服务..., because it's for more secure.

"improve your application performance", I am not sure what's the meaning of application here. Is it a software application installed in customers' machines or something else? If it is a software application, I suggest 提升应用软件性能,replacing 为客户的产品提供助力.

So, my translation for the last sentence:

"我们的云解决方案致力于为您降低花销,提供更安全的服务,提升应用软件性能,并使您的云化变得更容易。"

I made some other tweaks as well.

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