What do I say when a friend tells me about the death of a loved one?

Question

I never know what to say/write in Chinese when a friend tells me that one of their relatives or friends has passed away. I'm aware of the terms of politeness for referring to the death itself:

• Politeness in referring to a recent death
• What is the polite way to say a grandparent has passed away?

But I don't know what to say to the person who has just told me that someone they know just died. It is hard enough in English to know what to say, but I might say something like "Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that." or "I'm sorry for your loss." What can I say in Chinese that will be comforting, culturally appropriate, and won't sound trite?

I'd like to know for both the situation of a very close friend/relative dying and also for a more distant friend/relative dying. I assume one might say different things depending on how close they were.

Recent example of a more distant relative passing away:

• Friend: "我们去【某地方】参加我四舅的葬礼去了，明天晚上十点左右才回来。谅！" (We had originally planned to meet the next day.)
• Me: ?

Answer 1

If you are notified a distant relative of someone has just passed away, you don't need to say much, just a simple "這樣啊" (Oh, I see) and/or "那真不幸" (that's really unfortunate) to acknowledge you have just learned the bad news.

If you are notified a close relative of someone has just passed away, you should add an condolences, and the most common phrase for offering condolences is 節哀順變 or 節哀

• "這樣啊... 那真不幸，希望你能節哀順變" (Oh, I see... That's really unfortunate, hope you can restrain your grief and accept the change)

• "這樣啊... 那真不幸，請節哀 (Oh, I see... That's really unfortunate, please restrain your grief)

Answer 2

Besides what Tang Ho has provided. In a real practice (informal circumstances), if one's close friend/relative passed away, you could say these sentences: "真的啊！/真的吗! 什么时候的事情啊？ 那现在怎么样了？ 太不幸了！有什么我可以帮忙的吗？" If you feel your friend really sad, you could say: "你也别太难过了！ 人死不能复生。" You could apply those sentences according to the situations. These are all colloquial sentences.