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My friend on WeChat sent a funny example of foreigners writing Chinese (here). Here's one image from that site (click for larger image):

Foreign Chinese-learning materials

I transcribe the passage below (I tried to make sure I copied it correctly), and I offer my translation (which might not be accurate). I presume there's something wrong with the underlined phrases. I'm not fully clear on this though; I add my comments below.

Question: What is wrong with the four underlined phrases, and what should it say instead?

一个提案
Yīgè tí'àn
A Proposal

星期日
Xīngqírì
Sunday

本班同学凑集款子买一具钟,作为毕业纪念品案。
Běn bān tóngxué còují kuǎn zi mǎi yī jù zhōng, zuòwéi bìyèjìniànpǐn àn
This class's classmates gather money together to buy a bell, as a graduation momento.

Google Translate suggests 筹集 (chóují; collect money) instead of 凑集 (còují).

前两班的同学的,校园里的茅亭是去年毕业的一班同学的。
Shì qián liǎng bān de tóngxué xiūde, xiàoyuán lǐ de máotíng shì qùnián bìyè de yī bān tóngxué zào de.
This is what the students in the first two classes made; the campus's pavilion was made by the students who graduated last year.

Here 前两班 is a bit confusing, e.g., maybe it means "two classes prior" instead. I don't know what's wrong with 茅亭 (máotíng) = pavilion.

这些都表示毕业生对于母校的依恋,现在到我们毕业了,我们当然也要留一件纪念品。
Zhèxiē dōu biǎoshì bìyè shēng duìyú mǔxiào de yīliàn, xiànzài lún dào wǒmen bìyèle, wǒmen dāngrán yě yào liú yī jiàn jìniànpǐn.
These both indicate the graduates' attachment to their almamater, and now that it's our turn to graduate, we, of course, also want to leave a momento.

I'm not sure what's wrong with "这些都表示" simply meaning "these both express".

我们学校里上课下课都摇铃,我们的意思是买一具钟代替铃。
Wǒmen xuéxiào lǐ shàngkè xiàkè dōu yáo líng, wǒmen de yìsi shì mǎi yī jù zhōng lái dàitì líng.
We ring a bell at the start and end of class on our campus, we mean to buy a bell instead.

It looks like is the wrong measure word for 钟 = bell.


Zhōng
Bell

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Google Translate suggests 筹集 (chóují; collect money) instead of 凑集 (còují).

凑集 means a 'group of people footing the bill together'

筹集 means 'raise funds'

Here 前两班 is a bit confusing

From the context, '前两班' in "是前两班的同学修的" seems to refer to "previous two school years of the same class" It should write " 是前两屆畢業的本班同学修的 (built by the graduated students of this class from the previous two school years)

I don't know what's wrong with 茅亭 (máotíng) = pavilion.

'茅亭' is a pavilion with a thatch roof. There's nothing wrong with using '茅亭' here.

I'm not sure what's wrong with "这些都表示" simply meaning "these both express".

'都' here means 'all'. The sentence "这些表示" means "All these indicate"

It looks like 具 is the wrong measure word for 钟 = bell.

  • 摇铃 is small handheld or hanging bell

  • 钟 (or 吊钟) is a bigger bell that you ring it by hitting it with a mallet. usually sit on a table or hanging in a frame, but not handheld

Classifier for 钟 like this should be '口' as in "一口钟",

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Building on the above (because I lack the reputation points to comment):

If the pavilion is in fact not thatched, use 亭子.

You can use 這 as a straight demonstrative pronoun ("this").

The correct quantifier for the kind of 钟 in the picture is 座.

  • 座 is more suitable as classifier for 钟楼. For the 钟 itself, the common classifier is still '口' – Tang Ho Nov 25 '17 at 12:59
  • e.g. " 这座钟楼有三口大钟 " is better than " 这座钟楼有三座大钟 " – Tang Ho Nov 25 '17 at 13:08

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