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From my writing in Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang gets an injection from the "doctor", this part seems particularly problematic:

Original version: 没有发现了立即而明显的后果，...

I intended for (but clearly fell short of) something along the lines of:

[We] did not observe immediate and obvious side-effects, ...

By side effects, I'm thinking like feinting, pain, loss of movement, etc. Toosky Hierot explained how 后果 is inappropriate, and user3528438 mentioned being unsure about 发现 here.

So let's try again:

Modified version: 我们等了一段时间，其间我们没观察到任何直接和明显的副作用, ...

I've added a bit more to clarify that we're sitting around for a little bit and simply watching what happens. For something to be observable, it needs to be both "immediate" (e.g., it doesn't happen 1 hour later) and "obvious" (e.g., it's not "we've just destroyed your liver").

Question: Is this clear?

(Also, I want to say thank you very much for all this help!)

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2 Answers 2

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A common phrasing in Chinese for this context is: 观察了一会，并没有(任何)明显的不良反应.

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  • Not all side effect are 不良反应 (bad reaction). One of the side effect of cold drug is drowsiness. Maybe "bad reaction" was what the OP actually intended to express. "side-effect" was not the best choose of word if she really meant "bad reaction"
    – Tang Ho ♦
    Dec 3, 2019 at 10:27
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  1. "直接" in "其间我们没观察到任何(直接和)明显的副作用" should be removed, because there's no such thing as 'indirect side effect'

If you meant "immediate", the correct word is "即時" --> "其间我们没观察到任何(即時和)明显的副作用"

"我们等了一段时间，其间我们没观察到任何明显的副作用"

  1. You can use 並 (actually) to strengthen the connection between the two phrase

"我们等了一段时间，其间我们並没观察到任何明显的副作用"

  1. Change 没观察到 to 沒有观察到

没 mainly used for "without + object"

沒有 is more suitable for "have no + object"

"我们等了一段时间，其间我们並沒有观察到任何明显的副作用"

"我们等了一段时间，其间我们並沒有观察到任何即時和明显的副作用"

  1. You only need to state the subject "我们" once here

"我们等了一段时间，其间並沒有观察到任何明显的副作用"

"我们等了一段时间，其间並沒有观察到任何即時和明显的副作用"

Edit:

Other user rewrote the sentence in a more native way in his answer. That reduced the length of the original text greatly. In that case, I would just write "等了一會，見沒有異狀，医生就走了" (After waited for a while, seeing that there are no abnormalities, the doctor left.)

I don't know which the OP prefers, but I think it would be more beneficial for her, if I don't stray too far away from the original sentence that she came up with with her current writing ability

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  • 直接 could mean 有直接的因果关系
    – tsh
    Dec 3, 2019 at 10:03
  • 有直接的因果关系 is "Direct causation (an expected effect)" ; 副作用 is "side effect"; "direct side effect" is a contradiction within itself (as if the drug was intended to cause a "side effect" instead of "expected effect")
    – Tang Ho ♦
    Dec 3, 2019 at 10:18
  • "Direct" does not mean "expected" or "unexpected". Consider someone drive vehicle after taking sleeping pills and cause traffic accident due to sleepy. The sleeping pills is not the direct causation of accident. But the sleepy feeling does expected.
    – tsh
    Dec 3, 2019 at 10:21

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