Continuing from parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5:
那时候因为没有不断的渴望吃巧克力等,所以我开始减肥了。并不像我一天起床后就发现了我如魔法般地变瘦那样,反而久而久之,我的身体越来越改变。从最初胖女孩的样子,我终于获得了健康的体重。对人人来说,类似于毛毛虫变成蝴蝶,我逐渐变成小美女了。我当时没有那么知道的,所以对于这种减肥药连朋友都没告诉过,而其实我好几次去看医生,所以我对那一次没有多想。现在我了解社会对胖子的态度,他人有时候不友好甚至也许残忍地对待他们。但是现在谁都能像我一样减肥,所以除了最穷的人,我们差不多消除了胖子。
Please critique my writing. New words for me are in links. I'm at an "almost mastered HSK4" level. The narrative is from a person in the present (Zhou Ziwang 周子望) describing her unusual past.
I tried to be a bit more adventurous with my writing this time, with more sophisticated grammar. The last sentence was the most difficult for me, so here's an English translation:
But now everyone can lose weight the same way I did, so except for the poorest people, we've basically eliminated fat people.
It's fiction: if you're thinking "hmm... that sounds a bit like genocide", then I'm doing it right. For those who haven't realized it yet, I'm heading towards a moral conflict between technology vs. individuality. However, it's not straightforward to check if I'm successfully conveying a "kinda genocide-y feel" in my writing.
(Part of the reason for doing this is because standardized texts are incredibly boring, e.g. "How do you go about achieving success?" or "How did Wang Jing settle her dispute over buying a refrigerator?" ...zzzZZZ.)