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It seems by birth country (Australia) and adopted country (China) are having a bit of a spat at the moment. I'm sure it'll pass soon enough, but anyway...

Spokesperson 耿爽 says ...你上中国的网络,看看中国普通民众对当前中澳关系、对澳大利亚方面最近的一些言行的反应和评论 which means "...you go on China's web, look at how Chinese ordinary people are reacting and commenting on China-Australia relations, and Australian words and behavior." So... I accept your challenge!

I went on Weibo and found the following top 5 comments, but they're kind of hard to understand.

  1. 我实名不满澳大利亚,狗腿子一个!还有脸说没听过。 [1116 likes]
    My attempt: I really am unsatisfied with Australia; they are a dog leg! Still have face to speak, but didn't listen.

    Here I think 实名 ("real name") is a typo for 实在 ("real"). And "dog leg" seems to be slang for "one who follows a villain" (USA?).

  2. 批评中国网络不开放的原因是在他的脑子里认为网上言论都是假的,真他娘无懈可击,澳洲水井里来的吗 [430 likes]
    My attempt: The reason for criticizing China's web as not open is he believes online views are fake, really fucking invulnerable, is it from the Australian well?

    I have no idea what the well is referring to. I think 无懈可击 "invulnerable" refers to a kind of "unassailable viewpoint". (Oddly, I recognize 无懈可击 as one of the cards in 三国杀.)

  3. 怒斥想搞大新闻的澳洲记者[并不简单] [385 likes]
    My attempt: Australian journalists angrily creating big news. [not at all simple]

    I feel 想搞 suggests it's made-up or manufactured. I don't know why 并不简单 is there.

  4. 我们都是机器人,中国人早就被冠状病毒杀了很多了 [234 likes]
    My attempt: We are all robots; many Chinese people earlier were killed from coronavirus.

    Wait what? Robots?

  5. 从未见过如此厚颜无耻之记者。。 [131 likes]
    My attempt: Never before encountered such shameless journalists.

They're really quite challenging to translate; not anything like my textbooks and formal speech.

Question: How do I translate these criticisms about Australia by Chinese netizens?

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Well, usually this kind of disputes passes very soon (e.g. Japan-China), and I hope it's the case here. The comments in these contexts can be genuine or simply agitators looking to get likes by exploiting the situation.

  1. 实名不满/实名反对/实名举报 is not a typo. It means to express dissatification/opposition or raise complaint "openly with real name". 实名举报 came first as a complaint with real name is considered stronger than an anonymous one; and it can be dangerous, especially under a less transparent/democratic government and government censorship.

    It can be used even if you are using a pseudoname online as a generic emphasizer in saying that you are not an astroturf account; this is your real opinion; you are unshamed and unafraid to have this opinion.

    狗腿子 is close in meaning to 走狗 running dog.

  2. The well is referring to the tale of a frog in a well (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kupamanduka), meaning a person (the frog) has narrow perspectives since they can only see the world from the opening of the well (as they are at the bottom of the well).

    The use of 无懈可击 here is sarcastic, saying the reasoning of the previous sentence (by Australians presumably) is so "strong" (akin to "I can't even argue with this logic!!").

    I think the poster was trying to say the logic for "The reason for criticizing China's web as not open is he believes online views are fake" is kind of circular. But I'm having trouble to comprehend the sentence (I can understand the semantics but not the logic).

  3. It is a reference to Jiang Zemin (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toad_worship, not an ideal article, but good enough for overview; most English articles on Chinese online subcultures are too ideologically driven, it's better to just participate in Chinese online communities and learn by immersion):

    In the first video, Jiang lashed out at Hong Kong journalist Sharon Cheung in Zhongnanhai when he met with Chee-hwa Tung, Chief Executive of Hong Kong at that time. Ms. Cheung asked if Jiang supported Tung's campaign for Chief Executive, which Jiang affirmed. Cheung then asked if it meant the Chinese government had already decided internally to re-appoint Tung. This made Jiang very upset, and criticized her for twisting his words to "make big news." Jiang then continued to criticize the Hong Kong media on the whole, claiming that they need to learn to ask more meaningful questions, even stating that "Mike Wallace of the US is at a much higher level than you are."

    Here is the Chinese Wikipedia article on the incident. The original quote from Jiang was:

    你们啊,不要想……喜欢……这…欸弄个大新闻,说现在已经钦定了,再把我批判一番。 You guys...Don't...[You guys] Like to make a big news, saying [the choice of Chief Executive] is already decided [by the Central government], and then [you will again] criticize me.

    The poster is criticizing the Australian journalists are trying to "make a big news (out of nothing)". I think [并不简单] is an emoji transcription (?) not meaningful without the actual emoticon. (After all, 😂 is sometimes just transcribed as "joy", which doesn't capture the full meaning)

  4. "Robots" as in astroturfing accounts. Consider the fictionary (but based on a thread I actually read) following exchange on Twitter:

    • A: I support Bernie Sanders, don't vote for Joe Biden!!
    • B: You are a Russian bot!!!
    • A: Sure I am a Russian bot, no Amercian ever likes universal public healthcare.

    This is what the poster was trying to do here. I'm not sure what this kind of "arguing" technique is called.

  5. I think your translation works, or just "[I] have never seen such a shameless journalist."

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  1. 还有脸说没听过 refers to 澳媒记者问:中国驻澳大使说“中国普通民众对澳大利亚的做法感到不满”,但我个人从来没有听到过这种声音。It means "how he had the face saying that he hadn't heard of any (critism on Australia's behaviours by common Chinese people)"

  2. The logic in comment 2: Many anti-China people believe that the censorship makes netizens say only what the government allows to say, thus all fake. When you hold to this belief, you will criticize that China's web is not open. And this leads to a supressed community where people can only say things disobeying the heart. Actually, today there are so many 公知、美分、X吹、带路党、买办、逆民、拳师... alive and well, even active in the web, which just proves that China's web is open enough, otherwise they would all have been executed secretly long before you could read their words.

  3. The subject is omitted, which should be 耿爽. The comment means: 耿爽 angrily rebuked the journalist who tried to make a big scoop.

  4. In the conference after the journalist denied netizens' voices and asked for people's comments in the real world (澳媒记者:我是说在现实世界里,你在现实世界中听过相关言论吗?) , 耿爽 retorted: 你觉得网络上的言论都不是真实的吗?那是谁发表的言论?是机器人吗?So, the 4th comment is being sarcastic, saying they are all robots opposing recent remarks by the Australian governtment, and futher, were all killed from nCov as accused by the western media that China concealed the fact that there are dozens of times more deaths than that reported...Since you now live in China, I believe you will see the truth all by yourself.

  5. You are correct with this one.

Basically I agree with @zhantongz

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We're off to see the Wizard,
The wonderful Wizard of Aus!

Tried to give it a bit of Ozzie look'n'feel:

我实名不满澳大利亚,狗腿子一个!
I’m really not happy with Downunder, those rabid dingos!

还有脸说没听过。
They got a lot of nerve to criticize, but no stomach to listen.

批评中国
They criticize China,
网络不开放的原因是在他的脑子里认为
saying our Internet is not open, because in their tiny minds they believe,

our online discussions are all fake. (all bots??)
网上言论都是假的.

真他娘无懈可击,澳洲水井里来的吗?
F'ing perfect, (slime) just crawled out of The Great Artesian Basin?

怒斥想搞大新闻的澳洲记者[并不简单。
Those angry Aussie reporters who think they're writing big copy, it's just not that simple.

我们都是机器人,中国人早就被冠状病毒杀了很多了。
We're all bots, the corona virus killed the Chinese early on in the outbreak.

从未见过如此厚颜无耻之记者。
I've never come across such shameless journalists.

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