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When mining sentences for my flashcard deck, I like to shorten sentences that are unnecessarily long. I need to make the following sentence way shorter, and the word (in this case pronunciation) I am testing myself on is 坍.

那些高楼大厦排列到这边,倏地便矮塌了一大截,变成一溜破烂的平房,七零八落,好像被那些高楼大厦挤得摇摇欲坠,快坍到河里去了似的。

To my mind, the following way to shorten it is grammatically correct while keeping enough context to help me remember the scene:

平房好像快坍到河里去了似的。

Am I correct to consider this a complete, grammatically correct way to shorten the original sentence? Is there any better alternative?

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  • 1
    I would say it's seems ok to me Jul 27 at 20:28
  • 2
    There is no mistake in grammar, but I consider it has been overly shortened to an extent that the original intent - to contrast the pushing of the elegant high-rises and the retreating of the inferior low-rises. Note that everybody will have a different opinion though.
    – r13
    Jul 27 at 20:55
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    Yes, it's a constant balance between overly long sentences (and therefore tedious for flashcard repetition) and overly short sentences (and thereby risk of forgetting context). I was thinking about "平房好像被高楼大厦挤得快坍到河里去了似的". I feel that this too would be grammatically correct.
    – timseb
    Jul 27 at 21:46
  • Yes. It is a much better and pointed sentence. I'll try (as an opinion) - "卑微地䖏於高樓華廈快速擴展的邊緣,殘破老舊的平房好像被挤得快坍到河里去了似的".
    – r13
    Jul 28 at 1:35
  • At first glance, "好像...似的"seems strange to me yet quite similar to "好像...一样" thus grammatically ok I presume. The original sentence is somehow confusing.
    – Maul Seil
    Jul 31 at 13:12

4 Answers 4

1

Not better, just fun:

人民日报标题

一溜平房被摩天大楼推到河里去了!

But you wanted 坍!

Looks like 坍塌 is an unaccusative, you can't "be collapsed by sb.", so the following is not really viable:

一溜平房被摩天大楼坍塌到河里去了!

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那些高楼大厦排列到这边,倏地便矮塌了一大截,变成一溜破烂的平房,七零八落,好像被那些高楼大厦挤得摇摇欲坠,快坍到河里去了似的。

This sentence's grammar is not correct (I think it's rubbish). I believe the author is not strict in his Chinese writing.

The correct sentence should be:

那些高楼大厦排列到这边,倏地便(让我的视野中看到的东西)矮塌了一大截,(让我看到的东西)变成一溜破烂的平房,(这些平房)七零八落,好像被那些高楼大厦挤得摇摇欲坠,快(被挤压坍塌)坍到河里去了似的。

The sentence is not good, and has no learning value for Chinese Mandarin. I feel most "network novel" are better than this.

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高楼大厦倏地矮塌了一大截, 变成一溜破烂的平房,七零八落,好像快坍到河里去了似的。

will be better.

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I agree that the sentence 平房好像快坍到河里去了似的 is correct, complete to reflect the context, and also grammatically correct.

The author attempts to create an image that reflects the huge contrast between the luxurious tall buildings and the miserable old houses. Without directly using the words "rich" and "poor", the author portrays a scenic description.

平房被大楼挤(press)坍了, 平房坍(fall)到河里去了. It is very dynamic and shocking.

Then the author uses "好象" "快" "似的" to tell the readers that the picture is not true but to give hints of imagination.

In the paragraph, the author also said, 高楼变成破烂的平房. The readers can see that it is not real for tall buildings to suddenly become small and short houses. It just tells the extreme contrast between the two neighboring residential regions.

See 1 淡水河堤五号水门这一带,是西门町闹区的边缘。那些高楼大厦排列到这边,倏地便矮塌了一大截,变成一溜破烂的平房,七零八落,好象被那些高楼大厦挤得摇摇欲坠,快坍到河里去了似的。西门町的繁华喧嚣,到了这里,突然消歇,变得荒凉起来。住在这些破烂矮屋的居民,大多是做木材生意的,附近的堤岸边,堆满了长条的滚木,这些滚木都在水里泡过,上面生了霉菌。

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