Questions tagged [writing-critique]

Requests for a review of the user's Chinese writing.

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33 views

How can I improve 酒吧漆黑的墙面稀疏地装饰着粉红樱花图案 to describe a floral pattern on the black walls of a bar?

I'm trying to describe the walls in a bar (in my story), and this is what I've come up with: 酒吧漆黑的墙面稀疏地装饰着粉红樱花图案。 Essentially, there's a bar and it's walls are painted black, except for a pink ...
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37 views

Critique request: three 筹备 sentences: 有的人的筹备很不合理 and 北京花了很长时间做筹备工作 and 不需要筹备任何配料

(Update: There was a typo: 之间 should be 时间. I corrected it.) I wrote these sentences to practice using 筹备 instead of 准备 which I'm more familiar with. 脱欧后,有的人的筹备很不合理! 北京花了很长时间做筹备工作,...
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978 views

It's Kong Lin's birthday, but she hates birthdays: is it okay to write 孔琳宁愿发现来月经而整天肚子疼,也不过今天?

I'm writing a story in Chinese (which I go through with my teacher), and this is one sentence from it: 今天是一年中她最讨厌的一天,孔琳宁愿发现来月经而整天肚子疼,也不过今天。 Today is the most annoying day of the year, [and] Kong ...
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3answers
80 views

Could anyone help me check my grammar in sentence

请多多指教 😢 I'm just a beginner 这是谁的手机不知道呢 你想吃什么随便呢 我想发电子邮件向妈妈 请在这里等我 我有急事,请您接替我的职位,可以吗? 我想我的行李箱忘在出租车上了 云岘宫是韩国名胜古迹之一 你专心学习,当然不会考不及格的 她不知道怎样使用提款机 上次他们问了我没回应 要是我有一百万,我要买汽车给父母 请等他一会儿 妈妈希望我成功 我们要万事如意 ...
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1k views

Why did my teacher say 判断 is wrong in 她意识到朋友判断她 (“she's aware that her friends judge her”) and what's a better choice of word?

This is a sentence of my writing: 她意识到朋友判断她、对她的感觉变了、不再想跟她在一起。 It's meant to mean something like: She's aware that her friends judge her, have changed feelings about her, and don't want to spend ...
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41 views

Writing critique request: Upgrading your DNA is like upgrading software on your computer

Continuing from parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7: 我们不知道谁在互联网上泄露了这个发明,但是以后,几乎每个电子公司开始提供廉价的适配器。有的人认为免费开源(FOSS)社区发挥了作用。如果拥有电脑,像把软件更新一样,现在你可以在网上更新自己的DNA。 社会的态度完全改变了:起初,没人想要编辑自己的DNA,但很快发现了“DNA优化人”...
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105 views

How do I correct 我几乎在享受中想象着听这样建议的可怜的男人?

I'm trying to say this in English: I am almost enjoying imagining the poor men who listen to these suggestions, ... The context is peacocking: Peacocking means dressing for attention; just like ...
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4answers
394 views

Is my translation of “I think Disney has a big influence on people's expectations of love” accurate?

新年快乐,大家! I'm a long-time user of Stack Overflow for coding problems, but a noob on Chinese SE. I was trying to say recently "I think Disney has a big influence on people's expectations of love". ...
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44 views

Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang's father's explanation of how we reached a “DNA editing revolution”

Continuing from parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7: 这样的技术变得普遍之后,我爸解释它的秘史。只是一些科学家研究的追求,那时候无法想象将来会导致现在的「DNA改造大革命」。因为最初基础研究进展缓慢,所以他们的期望很低。突然有一天我们收到重大的消息:一个无名的科学家发明了使用电脑创造蛋白质一个方法,就像分子的三维打印一样,...
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44 views

Writing critique request: Welcome to the world of DNA editing

Continuing from parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6: 欢迎来到现代的“DNA编辑的新世界”。原来我差不多是第一个DNA编辑的人,而且我爸是世界上领导的研究者之一,一起偷偷地进行研究。我小时候造成我减肥的那个注射器是这种新技术的一个例子。那时候这项技术刚开始研发了,所以当时是非常基础的。起初,多数人无法使用甚至连DNA编辑的存在也不知道。世界政府立即介入了,...
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1answer
26 views

Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang loses weight, just like everyone else nowadays

Continuing from parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5: 那时候因为没有不断的渴望吃巧克力等,所以我开始减肥了。并不像我一天起床后就发现了我如魔法般地变瘦那样,反而久而久之,我的身体越来越改变。从最初胖女孩的样子,我终于获得了健康的体重。对人人来说,类似于毛毛虫变成蝴蝶,我逐渐变成小美女了。我当时没有那么知道的,所以对于这种减肥药连朋友都没告诉过,...
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2answers
44 views

Writing critique request: the almost imperceptible effects of Zhou Ziwang's injection

Continuing from parts 1, 2, 3, and 4: 一周过去了但没有任何效果,我还是很胖。在做日常活动的过程中,我渐渐忘了那个神秘的医生和他的注射器。再一周过去了,我的行为几乎感觉不到任何变化,我还真想吃巧克力和其他的垃圾食品。其实当时那支注射器有意外甚至不易察觉的影响,不过到现在我还不知道如何清楚的解释这样的感觉。我想吃巧克时,身体似乎自动地反应,...
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46 views

Is this clear? 我们等了一段时间,其间我们没观察到任何直接和明显的副作用, … (waiting around for side-effects)

From my writing in Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang gets an injection from the "doctor", this part seems particularly problematic: Original version: 没有发现了立即而明显的后果,... I intended for ...
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48 views

Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang gets an injection from the “doctor”

Continuing from part 3 (with the story starting at part 1): 我们到了医务室,这家楼看起来像实验室,而并不是像普通的医院。我看着我爸,他似乎已经对这个地方很熟悉,甚至知道怎么走。他说了“我的朋友在这儿工作”。我们一进去就看到医生了,而他带我们去他的办公室。医生立刻从桌子的抽屉中取出了一只注射器,说“这会解决你的体重问题 ”。...
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52 views

Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang's father takes her to the “doctor”

Continuing from part 2 (see also part 1): 我妈注意到我当时变胖了,她想要帮我减肥但是长期以来的饮食习惯改不掉。难道说 ,我已经患有饮食失调了吗?我妈终于要求我总是忙于工作的爸爸帮我的忙,因此我爸带我去看医生。虽然我说“医生”,但即使到现在我也不确认。我问道,“老爸,我们去看医生吗?妈妈已经带我去看过了,但是没用”。我爸犹豫地答道,“噢,这位医生不一样”...
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84 views

Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang was fat when she was young

Continuing on from part 1: 当我是女孩时,世界上最重要的是吃巧克力和其它甜食。我爱吃麦当劳、我爱吃比萨、我爱吃巧克力蛋糕。我爸忙时就让我吃,如此我不打扰他,而他经常在电脑上工作。并不奇怪的是,我当时很胖。 虽然我很小,但不得不注意到了别人不同的对待我,使我感到对自己的身体不满意,而我变得越来越难过了。我渴望变瘦了,或者至少不那么胖。...
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3answers
341 views

Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang and the revolutionary new technology

Here's the start of a short story I'm writing: 首先,大多数人强烈反对它,说人一定不要“扮演上帝”。当时他们害怕极了,对于未来的效果有关心。人性会怎么改变?人有很多批评:使用它以后,人还是人吗?用这种技术就是根本不自然的。这些论点使世界政客也反对它,而且除了世界上最伟大的科学家,谁都不允许用这种技术。 其实这只是正式的说法,...
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4answers
52 views

Is 我认为保护环境将为子孙后代保证未来 correct? Does it make sense?

我认为保护环境将为子孙后代保证未来 I am trying to say that saving the environment will guarantee a future for future generations. Does it actually mean that or have I made mistakes?
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3answers
105 views

Does 拉丁裔的女人需要工作一年到十月的二十号为了赚百男人赚的钱在前的一年 make sense?

I'm trying to write a piece about sexism, that specifically discusses the gender wage gap and how it's affected by race. The sentence I'm trying to say is Latina women have to work until Nov. 20 in ...
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3answers
219 views

“Aren't you both also Americans” in Chinese?

Aren't you both also Americans? Nǐmen dōu ye bù shì měi guó rén ma? Is it correct? I am comfortable with this word order. Is it acceptable?
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85 views

Is 如果我们,所有的学生,没有我们的中文老师,我们就永远不能站起来在听众前面说中文 grammatical and does it makes sense?

English: If we, all the students, never had our teachers, we would never be able to stand and speak Chinese in front of an audience. My variation in Chinese: 如果我们,所有的学生,没有我们的中文老师,...
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4answers
128 views

Does 与 change the meaning of 用中文与我联系不是一个好主意?

I ended up writing such a sentence, with some help of Google Translate: 用中文与我联系不是一个好主意。 I tried to say: Contacting me in Chinese is not a good idea. Since my Chinese is pretty basic, I was ...
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120 views

Is 青少年自殺越來越嚴重這問題完全失控 grammatically correct?

Change this sentence into a more grammatically correct version? 青少年自殺越來越嚴重這問題完全失控。
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2answers
99 views

Help me rephrase: 相比看到子女长大成家,没有其他可以更让他们感觉放心的了

Reading the sentence below out loud felt extremely awkward, however I can't figure which part is improperly constructed to begin fixing the sentence. 相比看到子女长大成家,没有其他可以更让他们感觉放心的了。 I want to express ...
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2answers
152 views

Is 我一分钟以前刚刚看到他 grammatically correct?

I'm practicing with the words 以前 and 以后. Using the word 以前, I came up with this sentence: 我一分钟以前刚刚看到他! My English intention was to make this sentence: I just saw him a minute ago! I was told ...
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5answers
314 views

Does 劳驾、做你有那个时? sound natural? (“Excuse me, do you have the time?”)

I'm self translating common phrases in English, and I tried to translate "Excuse me, do you have the time?" And I came up with: 劳驾、做你有那个时? Is this a natural sounding sentence and is it correct?