When mining sentences for my flashcard deck, I like to shorten sentences that are unnecessarily long. I need to make the following sentence way shorter, and the word (in this case pronunciation) I am testing myself on is 坍.
To my mind, the following way to shorten it is grammatically correct while keeping enough context to help me remember the scene:
Am I correct to consider this a complete, grammatically correct way to shorten the original sentence? Is there any better alternative?